The Meeting of Shadows
by Bad Faery
Summary: Post- "Slouching Toward Bethlehem" Cordelia receives a visitor.


Disclaimer: I don't own them and I'm making no money off of this.  
  
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'Cordelia Chase. My name is Cordelia Chase and this is my friend Connor...'  
  
Cordelia dropped back onto the bed with a sigh, frustrated by her whirling thoughts. Why couldn't she remember anything? Demons and vampires and almighty powers... oh my. You'd think that kind of thing would be memorable.   
  
Connor had left earlier with a cryptic explanation of what he had to do. He'd left her a weapon and asked her not to leave the building; people were after her. She'd acquiesced without argument, having no place else to go. She had nothing else to do either, come to think of it, except lie here and try to remember something... anything about her previous life.  
  
She wasn't sure how long she drifted in that place of frustration and exhaustion before something snapped her into full awareness. There had been a sound, a movement, a change in the air, something that told her she was no longer alone in the room.  
  
"Hello?" she called uncertainly, hoping that it was merely Connor returning early from whatever he'd been doing. She received no reply.  
  
"Is someone there?" She stood up slowly, looking around the room to try and spot the intruder. As she watched, a masculine figure separated itself from the shadows, stepping into the dim light of the room.  
  
She studied the stranger carefully. He was tall and slim with short, unkempt hair and the beginnings of a beard on his chin. His clothes were ideally suited to sneaking around- black pants and a gray sweater, and his expression was unreadable in the poor light. He had pale skin with lines etched in acid around his eyes. She couldn't place his age; his face was young but his eyes were ancient. Overall he looked haggard and terribly tired.  
  
"Cordelia," he said softly. It didn't sound like a question.  
  
"Yes," she answered anyway. Then, remembering the earlier attack, she picked up the dagger Connor had left for her. Brandishing it in front of her, she asked, "Who are you? I know how to use this."  
  
His response surprised her. Instead of backing away, his lips curved into a smile, making him look years younger. He chuckled softly, a rusty sound, as though it had been an eternity since he last laughed. The smile faded as quickly as it had come as he said somberly, "You really don't remember anything."  
  
"Who are you?" she asked again, faintly irritated at his refusal to answer her question.  
  
He took a small step towards her, stopping as he saw her tense. "I won't hurt you," he said sincerely. "I used to be your friend."  
  
'Used to be'? That was an odd phrase to use. All of the others had spoken in the present tense. "What's your name?"  
  
He hesitated, then said softly, "Wesley."  
  
Something about that sounded vaguely familiar. Had Angel mentioned him earlier? Perhaps she'd overheard something about him. "Wesley..." she tried out the name for herself.  
  
"Yes, Wesley Wyndham-Pryce."  
  
"You're not wearing your glasses!" she blurted, then stopped in shock. His- Wesley's eyes widened.  
  
"No, I'm not," he agreed.  
  
"I... There were a lot of pictures," Cordelia struggled for an explanation. "You must have been in them."  
  
"Very possible."  
  
Cordelia walked towards him until they were only a few feet apart. It seemed ridiculous to be on opposite sides of the room while having a conversation. "So... Wesley Wyndham-Pryce- it sounds a little too stuffy for you."  
  
He smiled again at that, very faintly. "When we first met, you told me you liked a man with two last names."  
  
"I did?"  
  
"You did."  
  
"Well... I guess it does suit you then." There didn't seem to be much to say after that. Wesley seemed to be content just to stare at her. How on earth did she know this man? She hadn't thought it possible, but he was acting even creepier than Angel. Somehow, she wasn't afraid of him though. He seemed more interested in looking at her than hurting her.  
  
"How did we meet?"  
  
He continued to look at her for a long moment, "I don't even know where to start with that question." He ran a hand through his hair in agitation, then took a deep breath. "The simplest version is we met while you were in high school. I was in the school library and you walked in, wanting a book on psychology. Freud and Jung if I remember correctly."  
  
Cordelia had a feeling that his memory of the occasion was perfect. He remembered what book she'd wanted. They must have been important to each other for him to remember something so trivial. "What happened then?"  
  
"You saw me and I introduced myself, tripping over my own tongue a bit. You said that you liked a man with two last names and welcomed me to town."  
  
It seemed like there was more to the story than he was telling, but he showed no signs of intending to continue. "And that's it?"  
  
"The librarian handed you your book, and you walked back out."  
  
She wondered what he had been doing in the library in the first place. She could swear that they weren't the same age, but he'd indicated that he wasn't the librarian. She couldn't think of any other reason for him to be there. "Are we the same age? Because you kind of look older than me."  
  
The chuckle was back, fleetingly. "I am older. About a decade older than you."  
  
"Then why-" Cordelia cut herself off. The answer would have something to do with the ghouls and goblins Angel had told her about, she just knew it. She'd had enough of that for one week. "So were we friends then? Or something else?" There was just something in the way he was looking at her that screamed they'd been far more than friends.  
  
"We... tried to be something more."  
  
"Tried?"  
  
He actually blushed a bit. "It didn't really work out. We lost track of each other for a while, and when we met back up we became friends."  
  
There was more to the story than he was telling her. One of them had wanted something else; she just wondered which one it had been. She sensed that he was too embarrassed to continue the tale so she let it lie. There was something more important she needed to know. "But we weren't friends anymore, were we? When I lost my memory?"  
  
Wesley looked down for a moment, before returning his gaze to her face. "No, we weren't."  
  
"So why are you here?"  
  
"I... I just... I needed to see you. I had to be sure that you were all right."  
  
It sounded like the whole breach of friendship thing wasn't quite as decisive as he'd indicated. She held her arms out to her sides, inviting him to inspect her. "Are you satisfied?"  
  
He didn't answer, continuing to just stare at her. After a short eternity he said hesitantly, "I missed you."  
  
The simple declaration had so much emotion behind it that it brought tears to her eyes. "You missed me?"  
  
He reached out to touch her face, dropping his hand away at the last second. He leaned towards her slightly, trying to shorten the distance between them. "Oh yes, I missed you. So very very much."  
  
There was a world of pain in his blue eyes that Cordelia didn't know how to soothe away. She wanted to tell him that she'd missed him too, but couldn't. This man, this- Wesley seemed to need something from her that she wasn't sure how to give. There were still so many pieces missing.   
  
Hating to ask, but needing an answer, she ventured, "Why did we stop being friends?"  
  
He didn't say anything for a long moment, and she was afraid that she'd scared him off. Then he began slowly, "I made a mistake- a terrible mistake. It resulted in Connor being hurt very badly." He looked at her piercingly, "You couldn't forgive me for that. Nobody could."  
  
"I couldn't forgive you for a mistake?" she asked softly. What kind of a person was she?  
  
"You were right not to," he assured her instantly. "I did something terrible, something I had no right to do."  
  
Cordelia took another step towards him. "It sounds like you can't forgive you."  
  
He grinned mirthlessly at that, "I don't deserve it."  
  
Scarcely knowing what she was doing, Cordelia covered the remaining ground between them and placed her hands on his shoulders. Wesley didn't flinch at the contact, continuing to stare intensely into her face. Sliding her hands around his back, she pulled him down into an embrace. His arms came around her instantly, pulling her tight against him. Wesley buried his face in her hair, and she rubbed his back soothingly, trying to ease his trembling. "I forgive you," she whispered.  
  
At her soft declaration, his arms tightened convulsively around her, pulling her even closer. "Cordelia..." he breathed into her hair. Then, "Cordy!" with a hitch of breath that sounded suspiciously like a sob.  
  
"Shhh...." she murmured soothingly, massaging the back of his neck. "It's all right Wesley. Everything's going to be all right..."  
  
"Please say it again..."  
  
Her hands stilled for a moment as she tried to figure out what he meant. Did he want to hear again that she forgave him, or was it another assurance he needed to hear? Sensing her confusion, he clarified, "My name. Cordelia, say my name again," his voice broke as he pleaded with her.  
  
"Shhh...." she began caressing him once more. "Wesley... I forgive you, Wes. Everything's going to be fine... Ah Wesley..."  
  
His knees buckled and he sagged against her, bringing them both to the ground. Cordelia maneuvered them so that he was lying in her lap, his face pressed into the curve of her throat. She ran her fingers through his hair tenderly, seeking to soothe. He shuddered at her action, clinging to her so tightly that he threatened to break her ribs. Cordelia ignored the pain his viselike grip caused, massaging his scalp and neck. "That's it Wes... Just let it go. Let it all out..."  
  
It was as though her words flipped a switch in him. His grip on her loosened as he reached up to stroke her hair. Sobs overtook him as he twined his fingers through her hair. A low, guttural, heartrending sound filled the room as he wept in her arms. Cordelia rubbed his back as he cried, rocking him and crooning endearments. Her heart went out to this strange, sad man who seemed even more lost than she was.   
  
Eventually the sobs tapered off as Wesley cried himself out. Cordelia leaned down to kiss his temple, noting the sharp breath he took as she did so.  
  
"Wes..." she said softly, sensing that he liked her using the nickname. He shifted slightly in her arms so that he could look into her face. "Was I in love with you?"  
  
He stroked her cheek, smiling bitterly. "No."  
  
"Did you want me to be?"  
  
In a low tone he responded, "It was the only thing I ever wanted."  
  
With her thumb, she brushed the remnants of tears from his face, ignoring the way her own eyes stung. He caught her hand in his, nuzzling his face into her palm. "Oh Wesley..." she breathed, placing a kiss against his forehead. She wanted to make this right, to give him the love he seemed to need so desperately. She couldn't find the courage to say the words though. She barely knew him as it was, and she wasn't the Cordelia he'd been so in love with. Although she wasn't entirely sure who that made her.  
  
His hand went around the back of her neck, kneading away the tension there. Slowly, uncertainly, he urged her down to meet him. Cordelia didn't fight him, needing the contact as badly as Wesley did. They met in a hesitant kiss, a baby soft brush of lips. Wesley pulled back almost as soon as it had begun to study her face. Cordelia wasn't sure what he saw, but it caused him to try again, a deeper kiss this time. They lingered there for a moment, breath mingling, before Wesley brought their mouths together again. This time his tongue brushed against her lips, pleading for entrance.   
  
She opened for him readily. After all, what could it hurt to give him this? Their tongues twined together as he began to explore her mouth. He delved into every crevice before sliding his tongue over the roof of her mouth. Cordelia whimpered as the touch sent a jolt of electricity through her. At the sound, Wesley groaned and pulled her closer, his fingers sliding into her hair.   
  
Eventually they had to breathe, separating unwillingly. Wesley ran his fingers over her face and throat, his breath coming in ragged pants. "Oh God, Cordelia..."  
  
She opened her eyes slowly, feeling almost drugged. "Wow... you're a very good kisser."  
  
He laughed outright at that, kissing her deeply once more. "That's not what you said the first time we kissed." He brushed his lips against hers. "Maybe it's for the best you don't remember that."  
  
Cordelia was about to demand an explanation when a noise from far off in the building surprised her. "Connor's back," she whispered.  
  
Wesley nodded. "I have to go," he said regretfully.  
  
"I know." Neither of them moved for a long moment.  
  
He brushed her cheek once more before rising and pulling her to her feet. "I'll come back," he promised softly, squeezing her hands.   
  
She nodded, "Yes."  
  
He kissed her quickly, then released her and backed away. "I'll see you soon, Cordelia."  
  
She lifted a hand as he disappeared back into the shadows. "Goodbye, Wesley."  
  
She sat back down on the bed, awaiting Connor's return. For the first time, she hoped that her memories wouldn't return. She didn't want to remember what had made her angry at Wesley, what made her not love him. Maybe the amnesia would be a fresh start for both of them.   
  
There was more to it than he was telling her. He looked far too harried to be bothered by only one mistake, no matter how traumatic it had been. She couldn't quite decide if she truly wanted to know what ghosts haunted him.   
  
She wanted to love him, she admitted to herself. He felt familiar to her somehow. In his arms she felt safe. She wanted to give him what he wanted, to ease the pain he carried with him. As it was, she could fall in love with him. She was already halfway there. If her memories came back, she had a feeling that it would become that much harder.   
  
Time would tell, she supposed. All she had right now was time and the promise that Wesley would come back again. She prepared a smile for Connor, trying to reassure herself that no matter what happened, she would never forget the way that Wesley pulled at her heart. She prayed that memory would be enough to see them through whatever happened next. 


End file.
